Something Like Destiny
by sherrikay
Summary: "Falling in love with somebody who can never be yours is like jumping off a cliff. You know the danger that awaits you, yet you can't resist the adrenaline rush you feel when you fall…even if no one catches you." When Bella realizes she's in love with her best friend's boyfriend, she learns a thing or two about love and its repercussions. (ExB, AH)
1. Chapter 1 - The Announcement

I've wanted to put this story out for a long time and I finally did. Eep. Yay for courage?

Hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer - Twilight = not mine. This story, however, is very much mine.

* * *

 _I love thee, I love but thee_

 _With a love that shall not die_

 _Till the sun grows cold_

 _Till the stars grow old_

* * *

It's unseasonably cold this year. I'm walking home like I do every day and the air has frosty chill to it, making my breath fog up. A shiver runs down my spine as I scurry to the entrance of my apartment building, craving the familiar noise the heater makes as it wheezes out hot air.

I let myself in my apartment with a quiet sigh, chucking my coat away on the couch and plopping down beside it.

James, my asshole of a boss, was not making it easy for me today at the office. I'm his _assistant_ and yet I seem to be the one his job for him.

I grit my teeth just thinking about it.

 _Hold on for that promotion, Bella. Just hold on._

I'm twisting my neck side to side, kneading out the tension from my shoulders when my phone starts to blare its ringtone.

I reach for my purse and pull out my phone. The caller I.D informs me that it's Rosalie.

"Rose," I greet, a small smile pulling at my lips.

"Bella! Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh, you will not believe what just happened!" she exclaims. I pull the phone away from my ear at the sudden noise before placing the phone on my ear once again to answer.

I sit up straight, my eyebrows raised in silent amusement.

"What happened? Am I mistaken or did I just hear the Rosalie Lillian Wellington yell 'ohmygosh' like a cheerleader that just got asked to the prom by the quarterback?"

There's muffled chatter over the phone and Rosalie's attention is momentarily diverted.

"…yes? You wanna what, honey? Oh…alright then. Okay, okay. You call Jasper. Don't forget Kate and Garrett. I'll call the others. Mm-hm…"

I hear some lip smacking over the phone and I cringe.

"Oh my goodness, Rose, can you not make-out when you're on the phone?" I exclaim, disgusted.

She laughs, her attention on me again.

"Okay, Bella, I need you to meet us at the Italian restaurant down your street."

I frown. "Rose, what's up?"

"Bella, just get your ass down here. Edward and I have exciting news!"

My stomach clenches.

"Edward's there?"

She laughs her musical laughter. I can almost imagine her throwing her head back and her soft blonde curls falling over with her laughter.

"Ofcourse, silly. Who else would I be kissing?"

My stomach drops even further.

"Right," I say softly. "What's the news?" I ask and this time my voice is steadier.

There's more chatter and Rosalie's attention is diverted once more. This time I can hear the rough undertones of Edward's familiar voice.

"Jasper's not picking up, babe…but Kate and Garrett say they'll meet us in 30 minutes," he says. His voice sounds far away and muted.

Rosalie groans. "Ugh, I can imagine why Jasper isn't picking up. He's probably humping Alice as we speak. I swear, they're like fucking rabbits. 'Kay, I'll call him and see if he picks up."

I can hear Edward's laughter floating through the phone and my shoulders slump at the smooth masculine sound.

Rosalie turns back to me and says, "Bella, just come down and we'll tell you. We want the gang together."

I'm already grabbing my purse and making my way out the apartment.

"Gimme a hint?" I ask with a miniscule smile.

"Mm-mm, nope, no hints. Just come down, Bella. Look, I'll even invite Jacob. Happy? Jacob will be invited." She spits out Jacob's name in disgust as if she was talking about dead fish.

I just let out a chuckle and shake my head.

 _Only Rose would hate the most likable person on the planet._

"I'm on my way."

Rosalie laughs. "I knew mentioning Jacob would get you here. 'Kay, see you in 15?"

"See you," I say in answer.

I end the call and will myself not to think about Edward.

I get there the same time Jasper and Alice get there. Alice sees me and proceeds to run into my arms and squeeze the life out of me like it's been decades since she last saw even though we talked this morning.

"Do you know why we're here?" Alice asks, tucking a lock of her short jet-black hair behind her ears.

I nod to Jasper, acknowledging his presence by smiling warmly before replying, "Beats me, Alice."

"May I dare say Rosalie even sounded...excited?"

I let out one short laugh. "Very uncharacteristically excited," I agree. "It was weird to not hear her usual pessimism."

Alice pushes open the restaurant door and Jasper and I follow her.

The restaurant is crowded. Not surprising, because the restaurant was quite well known in town and was one of the hot spots.

The guy at the front shows us our table when we mention the name 'Edward Masen'. The table is one of the private booths in the restaurant and Alice glances over her shoulder to look at me, raising an eyebrow to convey how impressed she is. My eyebrows are raised as well, because the restaurant's booths were almost always reserved.

As the dimmed booth comes into full view, I see Rose with her legs crossed in her Gucci grey jumpsuit with the plunging neckline. Her long bob is styled to perfection and her grey eyes are lined with eyeliner.

And I see Edward.

The minute smile on my face falls when I see him kissing Rose's cheek with a wide grin on his face.

My hands turn clammy and fight hard the urge to clench them into fists. Instead I hold on to the handle of my purse tighter until my knuckles turn white.

Rosalie notices us and her eyes light up in recognition as she exclaims our names. She stands up and leans in for a hug and I wrap my arms around in a tight embrace.

"Hey, Rose," I greet her, my voice soft. I pull back from the hug and offer her a shaky smile. She doesn't seem to notice when she smiles back at me before hugging Alice and Jasper.

"Sit, sit," she says, waving her hand to the cushions, gesturing us to take a seat. "Kate and Garrett are already here. Kate was feeling sick, so she's in the washroom right now. Garrett's outside the restroom waiting for her." She points a finger towards the direction of the washroom.

Alice hums sympathetically. "Is it the pregnancy?"

Rose nods. "She smelt some of the food and immediately felt sick."

I shrug off my purse.

"Should I go check on her or…" I trail off.

"Garrett said she'd be fine. He's taking care of her right now," Edward pipes up.

I meet his eyes, his emerald eyes and he beams at me. It's that crooked smile that he seems to save for me that's on his face making my heart flutter.

I stomp out the butterflies in my heart and stomach and answer his smile with a small grin of my own.

"Hi, Bella."

"Hi, Edward," I say, my voice low. His grin grows just a fraction wider when I greet him and he nods.

We're still looking at each other when the moment is broken with Alice's words.

"What's the big news?"

Rosalie and Edward exchange a glance and I look away. I see Kate and Garrett approach the table and I wave at them. Garrett returns my wave while Kate smiles in recognition.

"Hey Bella! Alice, Jasper," Kate says looking at each of us.

"You okay?" I ask when she slides into the booth with Garrett.

"Yeah, I'm fine. The smell of garlic wafted towards me and...ugh," she says in explanation, grimacing slightly.

"So what were you guys talking about?" Garrett questions, looking at us while resting his arms around Kate.

"What _were_ you guys talking about?" Jacob repeats. All heads snap up to him and he grins. "Hey guys."

He slides right next to me, scooting in closer. I say hi before turning my attention back to Rose.

Rosalie and Edward look at each other again.

"Well, now that everyone's here…" she trails off, nudging Edward's side with her elbow.

"We have some great news," Edward says, grinning lazily down at Rose. "We're getting married."

And my world plunges into darkness.

* * *

For that split-second, I can't hide my heartbroken expression. My insides feel like they're being torn apart in different directions. Alice's eyes momentarily flash towards mine before cheering like the rest of them. My eyes well up with tears, tears I've been holding back for years now. Tears of desolation and anguish pierce me and fall down my cheeks.

Rosalie glances at me and looks taken aback at my tears.

"..Bella?" she murmurs quietly. She looks at me, perplexed. I force the corners of my mouth to go as wide as I can and I wrap my arms around her middle. I squeeze tightly, burying my face in her shoulder.

Rosalie's my best friend. She has been for as long as I can remember. I met her at middle school and our friendship's never wavered through the years.

My dear friend.

And she's getting married.

I pull away and look at her. Her face is expectant. Her eyes shift over my face, studying each tear with a questioning gaze.

"I'm happy for you," I choke out through my tears. It wasn't a lie. I _was_ happy for her. And him. But my relationship with Rose didn't stop me from completely falling in love with him.

I realize why I'm crying. I'm mourning the loss of an unrequited love that never had a chance to breathe.

But I'm happy for her. I should be. Happy for my best friend.

"So happy," I repeat out loud in a hushed tone.

The crease between her eyebrows eases at my words and she blinks at my sincerity, flashing me a radiant smile.

She pulls me back into a loose hug and whispers in my ear, "Thank you."

I nod into her neck.

"I love you, Bells."

"Love you too, Rose. Congratulations on the engagement."

* * *

I'm in the washroom of the restaurant, scrubbing away at the mascara stain caused by my emotional sobbing when the door swings open, revealing Alice walking in, eyeing me expressionlessly.

She stands next to my sink, leaning casually against the soap dispenser. I'm running my hands under the water when I look up at her questioningly.

"Alice? Is there something you want or are you here to just to rub your shoulder against the soap thing?"

"Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?" I ask sweetly.

"How long have you had 'feelings' for Edward?"

I freeze and look away. The teasing smile drops from my face and I shut off the tap. I look up at her once more.

"What do you mean?"

She sighs, crossing her arms and leaning away from her choice of support.

"Let's not play this game. Where you pretend you don't know what I'm talking about and I try to yank the truth out of you…" She trails off, gesturing between us.

My voice turns frosty. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She sighs again, uncrossing her arms.

"..Or we can play this game."

I push past her and tug at the paper towel dispenser and scrub my hands until they're dry.

Alice scoffs bitterly. "I just don't understand how women can do that. Have an affair with their friend's boyfriend and not even have the decency to be ashamed when they are caught red-handed," she snaps, throwing her hands up. "I expected more out of _you_ , Bella. I didn't think that you were that kind of person. Or Edward, for that matter. But clearly, I'm not a great judge of character."

Her voice is raised and she's gesturing wildly.

"What do you mean 'affair'?" I exclaim, frowning.

"Oh please, like I don't see how you two look at each other!" She snaps at me.

"What in the _hell_ are you talking about Alice?" I'm yelling now as well.

She blinks several times.

"…You two aren't sleeping together?"

She says the words slowly, as if she herself only now slowly comprehends my reaction.

"Who? Me and Edward?" I ask, incredulous. "No! Whatever gave you that idea?"

She looks completely surprised and thrown off-guard. Alice lets out an exhale before bringing her hands to cover her lips in remorse.

"Oh my god, I'm _so_ sorry, Bella. You have to understand, I thought you were…and Edward…Oh my god, I'm sorry."

I shake my head, still reeling from her outburst.

"I accept your apology… but I still don't get what just happened."

Alice looks sheepish.

"I thought you guys were having an affair. I was wrong, obviously..." She lets out a small chuckle.

"Why would you think that?"

She shakes her head, looking away. "Oh, you know me..I read too much between the lines. The way you looked at him, then your tears…"

I tense up at her words and she notices.

She hesitates before asking me, "Bella, how long have you loved Edward?"

This time, her voice is tender and soft.

"Let's go, they're probably waiting for us…" I trail off in a weak attempt to change the subject.

The corner of her lips pulls up into a sad smirk.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me—I already know." She walks to the door, before turning around and saying, "Speak now or forever hold your peace, Bella. Just remember that."

Before she can open the door, I stop her. "Wait!" I call out.

She turns to look at me over her shoulder.

"Not that I'm saying I'm in love with him because I'm not…," Alice shoots me a disbelieving look but I continue, "…but it's okay to tell him how I feel but not sleep with him? Alice, it's still cheating."

She exhales and looks away before meeting my gaze again.

"It'd be different if you were just sleeping with him. But _love_ …love is different ballgame altogether. When it comes to love, you gotta do what you gotta do." She shrugs at the end.

I resist the urge to scoff.

"You make it sound easy."

"It isn't easy. Most things that are worth fighting for aren't."

And with that, she leaves the washroom with the door swishing after her.

* * *

There you go! The first chapter. (Sorry about any mistakes! Man, I tried. I really tried. Editing is some hard shit. Atleast for me.)

More to come. Much love! *blows kisses*

\- Sherri


	2. Chapter 2 - The Conversation

Hey guys.

Old readers - this is a repost of this chapter because I made a mistake, tried to fix it and ended up with a system error. My bad.

New readers - Welcome!

* * *

I'm quivering when I step out of the restroom. Alice's chat, for lack of a better word, had shaken me up. Even if I did love Edward, what could I do about?

 _He was marrying someone else._

 _He was marrying my best friend._

 _What kind of person would I be to do that to Rosalie? What kind of person falls in love with their best friend's boyfriend?_

This is some high school style shit, and I was above it.

A few deep breaths on the way over to the table and I'm steady again. I grab my coat and turn to Rosalie.

"How long will it be before the food gets here?"

Rosalie quirks an eyebrow. "Maybe 20 minutes. Or more. Why?"

"I'm going out for a smoke."

Kate gasps incredulously. "Bella! I thought you quit!" she exclaims.

"And I thought you knew I was terrible at quitting. I'll be back soon." I kiss Rosalie's forehead and leave the restaurant.

* * *

"Bells?"

My head spins when I hear his smooth voice and I face an unsure and concerned Edward. He has his hands stuffed in his jacket and he's leaning against the brick wall of the restaurant.

"Hey, Ed," I say softly, blowing out the cigarette smoke. He extends his hand and I know what he's asking. I hand him the cigarette and watch him inhale and exhale the smoke. His mouth curls around the smoke and I see his tongue swipe his lip before he hands me the cigarette back. I take it and look away immediately, not want to be caught staring.

"It's a shitty habit, huh?"

For a second, I think he means my blatant staring before I realize he means the smoking.

"Trust me, I know," I say in agreement, knowing he doesn't understand the double entendre of my words.

"Hard to quit though."

I look at him to find that even though I'm not staring, he is. His brows are furrowed, almost resigned, and he's looking at me intently.

I take a step closer to him and he closes his eyes and hangs his head.

"Bells…" he groans and looks back up. "I miss you."

I frown. "What do you mean? I'm right here."

He lets out a whoosh and turns away from me, digging his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. He's leaning on his back now and he turns his face upwards.

"I mean…yeah. You're here. But. We were different. We used to be friends. What happened?"

I mirror his position. "We still are."

"Are we? Fuck, Swan. You know what I mean. We're friends, yes. I say hi, you say hi, we talk about insignificant shit and occasionally ask each other some serious questions. But we used to be friends. Remember university? We used to watch tv shows together, go to places, act like idiots…we used to laugh. A lot. Do you remember that?"

He's earnest and he's breaking my heart.

"Yeah, I do." And I'm smiling but it's a sad smile.

"What happened?"

Life happened. Love happened. Heartbreak happened.

Rosalie happened.

"I don't know," I lie in a small whisper. It takes all I have not to burst into tears.

He looks at me and his face softens.

"I miss you, Bells."

A tear slips down before I can stop it.

I don't know who initiates it but before I know it, I'm in his arms. My arms wind over his neck and I push my face into his chest. His arms encircle me and he holds me tight. He smells like sandalwood and grass. He smells like home.

Turns out, he's sniffing me too because he says, "You smell like rain."

A chuckle bursts out of me. "I smell like water?" I ask, teasing.

He chuckles too and his chest vibrates in his humor.

"No. You know what the earth smells like after it has just rained? That's what you smell like."

I pull away from his embrace and smile at him.

"I hope this not your way of saying I smell bad."

"Shut up and take a compliment, Swan."

"Okay, Masen."

"You're such a smartass."

"I know." We're both smiling.

I take a step back and say, "Congratulations."

He rubs his neck awkwardly. "Thank you."

"How did you pop the question?"

He shrugs. "I took her to that restaurant that we met in. I figured it was time to ask. She wanted to come here later though."

"That's nice," is my brilliant answer.

He hums in agreement.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I miss you too."

I don't realize how hungry I am until the waitress places my ravioli in front of me. I'm scarfing down the food and chugging the wine like there's no tomorrow.

Three glasses into the evening, I exclaim, "Here's to Rose and Ed! I wish a happy married life to my favorite couple out there!" Cheers erupt from our table and I'm happy. I think.

Jake orders some more alcohol and I drink most of it. I don't keep count of how much I'm drinking but I make sure my glass is never empty. Kate, Rosalie and even Edward are looking at me with concern but I'm quick to assure them that it's a celebratory night.

As the night goes on, my words begin to slur and my movements blur together and I can't see straight. I welcome the influence of alcohol with open arms. Today wasn't a day for sober-ness.

Alice and Jasper are the first ones to call it a night. Soon, one by one, each person leaves before it's just me, Rosalie and Edward.

"I should go too," I sigh. Edward and Rosalie exchange a glance and Edward is the one to speak.

"Hey, I don't think you should be walking, let alone driving. Let me drive?"

"Mmkay." I hand him my keys and lean back into the booth.

Edward turns to Rose.

"You're driving back home to your parents, right?"

Rose nods. "Yeah, I am."

"Okay, then I'll see you tomorrow evening after work.

Rosalie nods once again and stands to leave. She strokes Bella's chin and asks, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yup. Love you."

Rosalie smiles. "Back at you." And with that she leaves the restaurant.

And it's just me and Edward.

* * *

I don't remember getting into my car but I'm surprised to see that we're parked at the side of road. Cars are whizzing by us and turn to Edward, who is staring at me with a lot of concern.

"Bella?" he asks tentatively, his voice soft.

My cheeks are wet and I realize I've been silently crying.

"Oh shit—I'm sorry." And I'm wiping furiously at my cheeks, trying to push back the tears to wherever they came from and failing.

"Don't apologize. Tell me what's wrong."

I sink into the car seat, feeling tears prick my eyes again.

 _What's wrong? I'm 27 and the only man I've ever loved is marrying someone else. I'm stuck in a job that I hate and doesn't pay well. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and I'm drowning in student loans. I can barely afford to fix my car. I feel like my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do._

"Everything," I answer simply.

Edward's hand wraps itself around my hand. He holds on tightly.

Tingles go up my arm and I fight the urge to climb into his lap.

"I don't want to go home. Let's go somewhere. Please?"

He smiles gently. "Where do you want to go?"

* * *

Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3 - The Highman Park

*comes out of hiding place*

Sorry about the really late update but it's here! Life just..caught up to me, lol. But I won't leave you hanging, loves.

Warning - characters have potty mouths. If you hate swearing...read it anyway..? ^_^

Disclaimer - I own nothin', sweet cakes.

* * *

"Seriously? Out of all the places in the fucking world? Here?"

"Shut up and get out of the car, Bells."

"Okay, I get it. The absolute best place you could think of with that pretty little head of yours was La fucking Push. How someone gave you a scholarship is beyond me." _Wow, alcohol makes me snarky._

"It was either this or the strip club. Do you maybe want to get out of this car before I turn seventy?"

"Haven't you heard? Seventy is the new twenty. Being seventy is the shit!"

"You're loud when you're drunk."

"You're sexy when…always." I freeze as soon as the words come out of my mouth, hoping its un-platonic nature doesn't stunt the conversation between us.

But Edward, like always, surprises me. He barks out an abrupt laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I can't say the same for you. God knows you're not fun to be around when you're hammered."

"Gee thanks. That did wonders for my self esteem," I reply, a little quietly, still relieved that my careless words didn't ruin the atmosphere.

His easy smile fades into seriousness.

"So. What's the deal with you?"

I look out at the dirty beach, littered with plastic and beer bottles from the bonfires that were held there. "Nothin'," I say, sounding childlike in my denial.

"I thought we were going to try to be friends."

"When did I say I want to be your friend?" I'm only half joking and I dismiss his statement with humor.

"You didn't have to say. I read your mind." His face holds no expression and if I didn't know him, I wouldn't have known that he was joking.

Edward Masen, the deadpan king.

"Okay, mind-reader. Tell me what I'm thinking now." My words still slur a lit, the alcohol in my system making me grin lazily up at him.

"You're thinking…" he scrunches up his face in mock concentration, "that you'll tell me what's bothering you."

I make a buzzer sound. "Wrong. I was thinking you'll take me elsewhere."

"Fine. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know."

"Holy shit. I kind of fucking hate you right now." He rubs his face with his palms and I swear I hear him mutter, "Fucking women."

"Okay, okay. Highman park?"

He sighs, smiling softly. "Sounds good, Swan."

* * *

We're sitting on the park benches, staring out at the swings and slides. The park is empty except for the two of us. I haven't said a word and Edward doesn't seem like he's about to initiate a conversation any time soon, seemingly happy with just looking at the trees and occasionally glancing at me.

I'm also looking at nothing but my mind is miles back into the past. Back into the first time I met him.

He was all crooked smiles and emerald eyes and I was all flushed cheeks and an open heart. I remember him sauntering through Riley's doors into the noisy party room, his eyes searching for someone and not finding them. Instead, finding me. His lips stretching out into a lazy grin in acknowledgment before he walked right back out.

That smile.

That motherfucking smile.

Plump lips that stretched to reveal pearly whites. A dimple and eyes that crinkled and a face that melted onlookers.

It was like that smile had sunk a hook right into my middle and I wanted to know more about my fisher. And when he left the room, I followed. I followed him all way to this moment.

I followed him to fucking Highman Park.

I can't follow him anymore.

He caught another fish. His life is moving on and I can't love him anymore. Not if I ever wanted a life for myself. I deserved better. I deserve someone who actually fucking wants me back.

My love for him was pathetic and maybe it was fucking daddy issues for all I knew. My dad was never really around when I was younger and now I go after men that emotionally unavailable. Men who don't want me in their lives.

But I don't know how to not love Edward.

Maybe I always would.

Maybe I would always love him and instead of trying to move on, I should try to accept it. I would always love him and a tiny part of me would always have his signature etched deep. Maybe I just had to learn how to live without a tiny part of me.

Maybe I should learn how to live with loving my best friend.

When I followed him into Riley's kitchen, I don't think I realized I was following him. I wanted a drink and I went to get one. Instead I got myself into a one-sided relationship.

As I'm staring at the ground of the park, I remember Edward asking me what drink I wanted and me, getting a drink and somehow ending up talking for hours with this man.

I remember how as the night wore on, we got closer and closer, trying to hear each other over the music as people jostled around us.

I think about how we must have looked to others that night. Edward, sitting on a barstool with his leg hooked around mine, leaning towards me on his palm. Me, also on a barstool, wide eyes and bright smiles, touching his forearm to make an emphatic remark about whatever it is we were talking about.

I'm not crazy right? For thinking that maybe, this gorgeous, funny guy was maybe into me?

"I'm not crazy right?"

I break the silence that Edward and I were sitting in. I don't know what makes me do it—if it's the buzz or my need for answers.

"As far as I know."

"Edward."

Something in my voice makes his head snap and look at me. His eyes lose some of its mirth when he notices how serious I look.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, quietly.

I turn my head slowly and look straight into those mossy eyes I love so much.

"Do you remember the night we met?"

"Like it was yesterday, of course."

His genuine words crumble my heart.

Always fucking genuine.

"I'm not crazy right?"

His brows furrow, perplexed, but he doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"I'm not crazy for thinking that maybe…that was the start of something…romantic?"

 _Holy fuck, that was awkward. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

My cheeks flush and I vow to never drink again. I can't believe I just said that. Out loud.

But it's like a weight is lifted off me. Something that I've wondered for years, out in the air. Uncomfortable but earnest words that floats awkwardly in the atmosphere—both heavy and light. Heavy because of the weight behind it. Light because it's no longer on my shoulders.

Edward's eyes grow wide before they turn away from me. A sharp exhale. And then he speaks.

"You're not crazy, Bella. I was the crazy one."

* * *

I'm still reeling from his words when he shakes his head and looks up with a bitter smile.

"Why are you asking me this?" he asks with a scoff.

I ignore his question, my heart beating at an irregular pace.

"What do you mean you were the crazy one?"

My question is spoken quietly but I want to scream it at him. I want to throw things and shake him until I find an answer. My nerves feel fried and tried.

"It doesn't matter now."

I sigh sharply, frustrated with him, myself and everything in general.

"It does matter." A tear escapes the confines of my eye. "It fucking matters."

Edward doesn't say anything and chooses just to look at me. A part of me wants to think that he looks sad—even hope that he's sad but the reality is, he's expressionless.

It's like my words froze him into a statue and he's helpless—unable to communicate his thoughts or feelings.

Suddenly, I just don't care.

 _Fuck it._

The two words scream at me and I throw all caution to the wind. I'm twenty-fucking-seven and maybe what I'm about to do is a big mistake.

 _But really, how big of a mistake is it if no one from the future is coming to the past to stop me from doing it?_

I'm a human and entitled to mistakes. Furthermore, I've spent my entire life being cautious.

 _Always carry mace with you. Never, ever go home with strangers you've just met. Don't drink more than 2 glasses of something in an hour but if you do end up breaking this rule, drink water like you're a motherfucking elephant._

Fuck it.

Fuck it all.

"Why does it matter?" He's indignant.

"Because I'm in love with you, Edward. That's why it fucking matters."

* * *

Ah. Well.

K, so I wasn't fucking lying when I said the chapter was going to be longer but...clearly it isn't. Reason being, it become too long (like 6k words kind of long) and I took out a lot and broke it up into smaller chapters. Do y'all hate me? I'M SORRY, OKAY? This was just a better way to end a chapter. As always, sorry about the mistakes. Still looking out for an editor!

Kisses. (even tho you hate me.)

\- Sherri


	4. Chapter 4 - The Talk (Part I)

Hey you.

I'm baaaack. With a new chappie. Enjoy, loves.

Disclaimer - Twilight ain't mine. If it was, I'd be rich and preferably on a yacht. Not dealing with school. Sipping champagne. Looking at cute lifeguards. Because my yacht would have cute lifeguards.

* * *

It's silent. Deathly silent. Like someone just revealed their deepest, darkest secret kind of silent.

Like someone like me.

I don't know how Edward is reacting to the words I just said, the words that I want to grab, if they were tangible, and stuff back into my mouth to make sure they never leave in the first place.

I'm staring at my hands when I hear him.

"What about...what about Riley?" His voice is lilted, almost like he doesn't want to know what I'm going to say.

 _I tell him I love him and that's his reaction?_

"What does Riley have to do with anything?"

I finally look at him and see that Edward has an odd look on his face. Almost like…anger. Nostrils flared, lips pursed and fists clenched.

 _He's angry at me._

The realization startles me. Out of all the emotions…I guess I never thought anger as a possibility. Incredulity maybe, but not anger.

"Maybe I'm the only one thinking about your fucking boyfriend and how he must be feeling right now."

"You mean ex-boyfriend."

"Ex?" The anger fades and it's replaced with an odder look.

"I broke up with him almost two years ago…Right around when you and Rosalie started dating."

My quiet confession feels anything but quiet. Edward's faces changes even further when I mention Rosalie.

Rosalie.

 _Rosalie._

Fuck.

I don't realize I say it out loud until an odd sound comes out of him. The murmured expletive makes him look right at me. Edward's eyes tell me he's thinking the same thing.

I take in a deep breath and stand.

"I should go. I'm so sorry. Oh my goodness. Can we please just pretend this never happened? I'm sorry."

I don't wait for a response from him as I walk away from him, my footsteps rushed. Regret overwhelms me and I know. I know I'll never talk to Edward again if I can help it.

* * *

I'm in my room, tears falling silently into my pillow later that night when my phone blares it's ringtone. I'm nervous, wondering if it's Edward calling. I check and it's not.

It's Rose.

I let out a string of expletives before picking up the phone. "Rose?" is my greeting.

"Bells? Did I wake you up?" Her voice is heavy.

"No. I couldn't go to sleep…Are you okay?" I ask, even though I'm scared of the answer. My heart thumps unevenly.

Rose lets out a sob and my heart free falls into the depths of my stomach.

"He called it off, Bells."

All the air in my lungs leave in a solitary whoosh. My head hangs as the tears roll silently down my cheeks. I rub at the traitorous streaks on my face and try to stop crying.

"Why?" I sound genuinely confused and that's because I am.

"I don't know, dammit. I asked him the same thing myself many times but he won't say anything!" She exclaims, her breath hitching at the end of her sentence.

"Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know…I don't know." And she's crying harder.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know, Bella."

"Do you need me to come over? Or do you want to come over? Anything you want, Rose."

"I guess I just...wanted someone else to know what was happening. It just…doesn't seem real. I mean, we weren't all rainbows and unicorns but who the hell is? We were content! I thought we were happy. I thought…fuck, I thought I made him happy. You should've seen him, Bells. He looked so…not happy. I feel so blindsided. I spent the last two hours begging him to tell him what was going on…and..he…" she trails off.

"He what?"

"He just sat there. Looking defeated. I think…"

"Yeah?" My voice is a whisper.

"I think there's someone else, B."

The guilt overwhelms me and I feel like I can't speak. Her words melt into more tears as one thing spins through my head.

 _What have I done?_

* * *

I don't go to work the next day. I stay in bed for the most part until I hear someone knocking at my door. Assuming it was one of my neighbors, I make my way to the front door only to find out I'm wrong.

 _It's Edward._

His hair is disheveled and dark purple has bloomed under his eyes. His clothes are wrinkled and he looks tired.

"Edward," I breathe.

He swallows and stares.

When he finally dismantles the silence, he's quiet. "You can't say something like that and then just walk away."

I cross my arms across my chest as I lean against my door, knowing the reliable wood of my door is the only thing keeping me up on my feet right now.

"I shouldn't have said it."

"No, you shouldn't have."

I can't help it. Hurt crosses my face and I feel crushed. It doesn't matter that he's right. It just hurts me. I don't know what I expected him to say.

 _"_ _Thanks, Bella, for confessing shit at the most inconvenient time possible. You make life easier."_

"Why did you call off the wedding?"

"Because I realized a few things."

"Like what?"

"Like you're very rude sometimes. What, do you plan on making me stand outside forever?"

My lips quirk up despite the tense atmosphere.

Edward always makes me smile.

I turn sideways to let him in and he walks past me into my living room. He sits down and waits for me to do the same.

"So. Why?"

"Because I realized I wasn't in love with Rosalie. I love her. But I'm not in love with her."

"And you realized that only after I told you…what I told you."

I'm hesitant to repeat my reckless words.

"No, I always knew it. But I was okay with that. Until you said…what you said."

Turns out, he's hesitant too.

"Why did I change things?"

He scoffs and it's a bitter sound.

"For someone so smart, you're awfully fucking dumb sometimes."

"Okay, I'm not in the mood to banter, Edward. This isn't uni anymore and there is a lot more at stake. There are people involved, so I'd appreciate it if you ease up on the fucking puzzles."

He looks intently at me, his brow arched. "You didn't seem so aware of the people involved at Highman Park. God, you're a fucking hypocrite, Bella."

"Yeah, and you're an asshole. And you're still avoiding my question. Why the hell do you do that? Do you know how ridiculously hard it is to have a conversation with someone who refuses answer my questions?"

"I don't answer your questions because answering them would change…so much."

"Newsflash, Edward. Everything has already changed."

He sighs, and his whole body sags with that release of air. I see now what Rose meant when she said he looked defeated. Because he did.

"You weren't crazy."

"What are you talking about?" I'm playing innocent and it's lie. I just want to hear him say it.

"When you thought it was something more the night we met. I did too."

My incredulity must be incredibly prominent on my face because Ed lets out a bitter chuckle.

"No." It's a whisper of a word.

"Yes," he whispers back. "And then I found out about Riley."

"I wasn't dating him then!" I exclaim.

"You guys were on and off and well. Rose told me you guys would eventually end up together."

Rose?

 _But Rose…Rose knew_.

A memory floats to my mind. A hazy memory of me coming back to my dorm from that party and lounging on my bed with my phone glued to my ear. Drunken giggles and slurred stories filling the air.

Me on the phone with Rose.

 _"_ _I'm glad you finally got out. Between school and Riley, you haven't had any chance to just be."_

 _"_ _Me too, Rose. It was nice to get totally trashed for once."_ _My words are affected by the alcohol still in my bloodstream._

 _"_ _Tell me you finally got laid."_

 _"_ _Jesus, Rose."_

 _"_ _No sex Bella is no fun Bella. You get cranky when your horny and tensed."_

 _"_ _Shut up." But I'm giggling like the schoolgirl I still kind of am, because it's true. Partly._

 _"_ _So…" Rose drawls out the word. "Seen any action?" She's giggling too._

 _"_ _No. Yes. No. Well…"_

 _"_ _Sounds complicated. I'm interested."_

 _"_ _O-kay, gossip queen, chill the fuck out. Nothing happened."_

 _"_ _Nothing and?"_

 _"_ _Nothing and a really nice conversation with a really nice guy."_

 _"_ _What? What a fucking nerd. You made it sound like tongue was involved."_

 _"_ _Last I checked, tongues are needed for speaking." Speaking comes out as 'sh-peeking' and I giggle._

 _"_ _I meant in a tongues exchanging bodily fluids kind of way, but I guess. Who's the virginal boy?"_

 _"_ _I resent that," I say. More giggling. "He's far from virginal. He looks like sex."_

 _"_ _Sex boys. My favorite type of boy." She sighs but I know she's kidding. Mostly. I giggle. (Sense a pattern?)_

 _"_ _He's soooo hot. Hotty hot."_

 _"_ _Sounds hot. You're gonna date him or what?"_

 _I bristle. I don't know if a relationship would be the right thing right now for me. A fling, however…_

 _"_ _I don't think so. He's nice…but no."_

I lied. Completely. He looked like everything good and I wanted him. I didn't say it. I don't know why. Maybe, in that moment, I meant what I said but looking back, I think I wasn't ready to admit the fact that I really liked him to myself, let alone Rose.

Especially Rose.

Rose.

"I don't know why Rose told you that but it wasn't true."

"Wasn't it?" he questions me, skeptically. "You dated him again before I met Rose."

"That was because I thought you weren't interested."

"Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?" He's angry again. This time, he's off my couch and he's pacing. "I was so fucking obvious, Bella."

"No, you weren't. After the day we met, yeah, we flirted for a bit and all of that stopped real quick. I thought I'd imagined it and we never really had anything."

He lets out a short huff and turns to face. His face is drawn and sad. His eyes seemingly seeing things that weren't there. The past. Memories.

Feelings.

"That has never been true."

* * *

Okay, I know what you're thinking. You had more than enough time to edit, so why the fuck are there so many mistakes? My answer - I did edit and I hope there are no mistakes but they always pop up so. I tried, okay? Next chapter, hopefully much sooner.

Kisses and hugs.

\- Sher


	5. Chapter 5 - The Talk (Part II)

_"She actually updated after 2 weeks?! Whaaaat?"_

I know. Try to contain your surprise. I like to be unpredictable.

Huge shout-out to SunflowerFran for editing this! This is so much better because of it. Thank you.

Aaaand, I see you guys adding. Thank you! Okay, let's get this show on the road. Enjoy!

Disclaimer - I'm not the creator of Twilight. gOD, how I wish I was though. I would drop outta school and just bathe in money. Make a rap video. You know, the basics.

* * *

Once again, the silence is curling around us. Its heaviness almost makes it seem like another person is in the room with us, making the atmosphere strained with our unspoken, unwieldy thoughts. I'm absentmindedly fiddling with my loose gray t-shirt that I changed into when I came home.

Full beer bottles sit in front of us on the coffee table. I had offered Ed something to drink and found us some beers, but we had yet to take a sip. I watch as the **c** ondensation on the outside of the bottle rolls down, and I think about the fact that I forgot coasters.

I should have brought out the coasters along with the beers. I knew it was a bad idea to just let the them sit. Now, it was going to leave that telltale white ring of a mark, letting the world know of my recklessness.

I sigh.

It's just damn wood, and somehow I've found a way to relate it to my pathetic life.

Jesus.

"What?"

I slowly look at Edward with a small smile.

"I forgot the coasters. Now, there'll be water stains." A tear rolls down my face. "It's stupid."

Ed's eyebrows arch. "You're still drunk, aren't you?" It's not a question as much as an accusation.

A laugh rips out of me. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

Ed leans over and moves the beer bottle away from me. "It's nice to see that you're still the emotional drunk that you used to be. Maybe some OJ or water would be better." His attempt at teasing me falls flat when I refuse to laugh.

I rub my hands over my face. "You're probably right," I say, grabbing the beer, "but I'm not in an OJ kind of mood." I take a big gulp before placing it back down.

"You remember that time you cried when you couldn't find matching socks because you were so drunk?" He's still teasing me, trying to distract me from my sadness, but there's concern in his eyes. I ignore his concern.

"Shut up."

"Are you done stalling?"

"Was it really that obvious?" Maybe drinking impairs my acting skills. Ed doesn't say anything. He just leans back into my couch, staring at me with this almost unreadable expression on his face. I'd give an arm and a leg to see what he was actually thinking about. With Edward, sometimes you never really knew.

"Honestly, I have no idea why I even dated Riley again. It certainly wasn't because of his amazing personality, I'll tell you that much."

That earns me a soft chuckle. I look at Edward, and he doesn't say anything, and so, I continue. "Riley was safe. For me. You know?" Ed's confused look tells me that no _, he doesn't know._

"I had a thing where…I didn't like being alone. From the moment I turned twelve, I've been in relationships. Silly ones when I was younger but not so silly when I grew up. I was just…never not single. Riley was a jerk, but he was _safe_. Being by myself was scary. It meant…It meant, my worst nightmare. Being my dad."

"Your dad isn't alone, Bells. He has you." I'm shaking my head before he can even finish that sentence.

"I'm not enough. I could see how lonely he was. I grew up with him. He was content but not really. There was this underlying sadness after Mom left and the thought that I could end up like that was _terrifying_. Still is. But I'm working on it."

"You are?"

I nod. "Being in a relationship with Riley wasn't easy. He was a cheater and cerebrally, I get that it had nothing to do with me but my self-esteem took a hit. I saw a therapist, and I've been single for the first time in my life. And it's been hard."

 _Mostly because I'd rather be with you,_ I think.

"Rose never told me you guys broke up. Granted, I didn't ask about you. Ever."

"Edward, Riley was never around, and I never talked about him. How could you think I was still dating him?"

He lets out a huge sigh, glancing up. "Riley was a jerk. It made sense to me that he wasn't around. Besides…I didn't like talking or thinking about the two of you together."

"Why?" It's a loaded question.

"Because it made me angry. You deserved someone so much better."

"Like you?" I ask with a bitter huff.

His eyes flash to me, and I can't read what's in them.

"I'm no good for you, Bells."

My jaw drops and my heart clenches painfully. I ignore his statement. "Why did you date Rose?"

"You basically set us up, Bells."

The shock on my face must have been apparent because he hesitates before he continues. "The day I met Rose…we were supposed to have lunch together. At the last minute, you told me Rose was coming too. We sat down, and Riley showed up out of nowhere. You left the table to talk to him and didn't come back until an hour later. Both Rose and I thought you were setting us up. It hit me that…maybe you never liked me the way I thought."

 _Holy shit._

"That is not what I was trying to do at all! It was supposed to be the two of us when Rose reminded me that we had already planned lunch; something I totally forgot about, so I just invited her to our lunch. I never knew Riley was going to show up. I hadn't been answering his calls or his messages. I spent the hour trying to tell him we weren't going anywhere."

"But you guys were still together."

"Yes, well. We tried a little longer but. I didn't officially end it with him until later."

"Jesus."

I understand what he's feeling. Maybe we could have avoided it all if we had just said what we were feeling. Constantly hiding behind our egos and our fake emotions seemed like a good plan until we ended up completely unhappy. If only we had done things differently. If only I had told him how enamored he had me the day I met him. If only he had told me that he liked me.

 _If, if, if._

Ifs don't help us. This mess of a situation was our reality. Thinking about what could have been would only drive us insane.

"What a sad pair we are." My words are a truthful whisper. I see in Ed's eyes that he agrees with me. He reaches over and puts his hand over mine.

"We can fix it, though. Together. This is our chance. We can be what we were supposed to be."

The lump in my throat grows exponentially. I turn my hand over and link our fingers together. A tear falls, and I can see it. How easy it would be to pull him towards my body and place my lips on his. How great it would feel when his soft fingers trailed up my torso. How easy it would be to fall over the edge, holding his hand. To forget the outside world.

My vision blurs with new tears, and I know.

"No. We can't."

I pull my hand away, and my heart drops to the depths of my stomach.

"Bella." It's an anguished whisper. I can hear what he's saying.

 _Don't do this._

 _Please._

"You just broke your engagement, Ed! You left your fiancé, and it's my fault! Don't you see that this is bad? We're not in good places in our lives. We can't do this. Us."

"It is not your fault. I did what I should have done years ago. Please, Bells."

"I think you should leave."

His breath hitches.

"Is this it then?"

"Leave, Edward."

"Fine."

A door slams.

And it's over.

* * *

Phew. Now that that's done, I'm gonna go back to listening to J. Cole's new album now. Deja Vu makes me cry. Yes, I might be the only person who cries over a hip-hop song. Leave me alone.

Oh! Someone asked me if this story was going to have an HEA. Well, if I told you the answer, the journey isn't as great, is it? All I will say is...have faith.

Lots of love,

\- Sher


	6. Chapter 6 - The Cafe

Hey loves!

Before we start, shoutout to one of the reviewers who was kind and told me that I'd made a lil' mistake in chap. 2, thank you, ellekat08!

Now, when I tried to fix it and repost it, there was a system error and the chapter was basically unreadable because it was all code. To anyone who recently added the story, I'm so sorry! Also, how tf did you read that? I'm seriously impressed. Cool shit. Also, I fixed it (again), and it should all be good now.

Huge thanks to SunflowerFran, who edited this! It's the little things but it makes _such_ a difference, so thank you.

Okay, disclaimer - not mine, blah, blah blah... Enough with my rambling. Enjoyyyy.

* * *

Days pass, and they're filled with mindless routine. Wake up, get ready for work, go to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat. My life becomes a cycle of mundane activities and unenthusiastic attempts at living. I push through my days, aiming to breeze through the everyday moments, knowing if I stopped and took a second to breathe...I would surely cry.

I haven't cried either. Maybe I'm all wept out, and my body can't spare any more tears.

Or maybe I'm numb.

I hope it's the former, but deep down, I know it's the latter.

I don't talk to anyone. Not really. Some people call occasionally, and I have a half-hearted conversation with them before continuing my tedious routine.

No one of importance calls.

Especially not _him_.

I get why he wouldn't. I kicked him out my house and basically told him we were doomed. It makes sense that he wouldn't call. I wouldn't call me if I were him.

 _Then why does it hurt so bad?_

Every now and then, I pull up his contact on my phone and stare at his name in bold letters across my screen. I still remember the day he programmed it, stating that his name should be in all caps so that I knew he was important to me. As if I needed a reminder. His little contact picture is on, and he's staring unblinkingly back at me in that unnerving way that pictures do.

" _What happened to missing me?"_ I think. " _What happened to wanting to be around me more?"_

But whatever.

Actually, not whatever, but I attempt to find that emotion in me. I try to fill myself up with indifference, that " _whatever_."

Some days I find it, and it strengthens me. It gives me a sturdy backbone, and then apathy settles comfortably on my veins.

 _Who cares if he doesn't call?_

 _Fuck him._

 _Fuck him for thinking all would be okay just because I declared my love for him._

 _Fuck._

 _Him._

Other days, indifference fails me and I...I feel wrong. Those are the worst days.

 _No._

 _Who cares._

And most of all, I try really hard not to think about the fact that _I do_.

The collar of my jacket is turned up against the wind and today is the first day that I stray from my routine.

The café door jingles when I push through it, alerting the staff that another person has entered. The old woman at the counter just smiles at me in acknowledgment, and I nod back. I make my way past the various tables until Rose comes into view. She does a three-fingered wave, and I walk towards the table at which she is seated.

Rose and I had kept touch for the most part. She seemed to avoid talking about _him,_ and that was just fine with me. He wasn't someone I wanted to hear about anyway.

 _Quit lying to yourself, Bella._

Although a small part of me is glad I'm not the only one who's suffering over _him_.

Shame fills me as the thought passes through my mind. What kind of friend wishes for her friend to suffer?

 _What kind of friend sabotages her friend's relationship?_

A shitty one.

And that brings us here...to this café. God knows I'd rather be home, wallowing in self-pity like any heartbroken person. But instead, I'm here, trying my damnedest to make sure to be good friend for Rose. Because she deserves better. Better than a fiancé who would abandon her. Better than a friend who would ruin her relationship.

"Hey." She hugs my middle. I rest my face against her shoulder, and she smells the same. Lavender and that damn perfume she's always wearing.

"I missed you." Her voice cracks, and for the first time in a while, I want to cry. But my eyes stay dry, and I release myself from her hold with a smile I can barely uphold.

"How are you?" I take a seat after I remove my jacket and she does the same. She folds her arms over each other and sighs.

"Not great but okay. I'll be great. Someday. Soon."

"Okay. Sounds like a plan." I pat her hand.

"Yeah. Oh, I ordered for you already."

"Bitch." I'm joking, and she knows it. She smiles for the first time since I've seen her.

"Don't act like I don't know exactly what you want. It's why I'm so great at setting you up on blind dates."

"Okay. First of all, what if I had wanted something different today? Second, all the dates you've sent me on have been shit." She makes a scoffing sound at the last statement.

"Do you or do you not want green tea with two sugars?"

"Yes," I concede with a roll of my eyes. "I do."

"And wasn't Todd the best lay of your life?" She's smug.

"That's not saying much, considering I've always only had mediocre sex."

"Yeah, but I knew what you liked." She winks at me.

"You weirdo." I let out a genuine giggle for the first time in a week. I try not to let my shock be apparent, but it's such a surprise to me that I sigh in relief. I wasn't sure if I would have ever recovered. I felt broken. It was such a relief to know that I could laugh. I could live my life, even if it didn't involve _him_ anymore.

I just wasn't sure if I _wanted_ to.

The waiter comes by and places our drinks in front of us. I thank her and take a sip of my tea before again turning my attention towards Rose.

"So, Ro, how are you really?"

"I really am okay, B."

"You really don't look it." And she didn't. She had dark circles under the eyes and her usually well-styled hair was a mess.

"I think I'm coming down with a stomach flu or something. It'll pass, though."

"You gotta take care of yourself, R."

"You sound like Edward."

The sound of his name guts me. I suck in a shallow breath.

"Oh?" is the bright answer I can come up with.

"Yeah, he's always going around telling me that I shouldn't stress so much or work myself to death. Boy."

"Mmhmm."

The smile I have on seems fake; like a carefully crafted mask of both indifference and interest at the same time. Almost as if it's been placed on my suddenly sweaty face and tied tightly behind my head by my conscience. And it's only pulling tighter every time she said his name. My insides feel grimy, oily like they had been filled with engine fuel. Light me up if I ever have to think about _him_ again.

Burn me to ashes.

God knows I didn't want to feel this horrible emotion for another second.

 _Guilt._

"Never thought I'd miss that. When he was around, it was always annoying. But now I wish there was a someone who cared, you know."

"Yeah."

Rosalie is oblivious to my monosyllabic answers, lost in her thoughts.

"I guess that's what I loved about him. The way he cared. He cared so damn much. Even about people who were shitty to him. He cared. He was this big, genuine thing." Rose finally loses her dazed look, focusing on me.

"Kind of like you."

* * *

I know. Short chapter. BUT, the next chapter is much, much longer, so I'll make up for it. This chapter was really just to give you an idea of her mindset and where she is emotionally right now. And you kinda wanna tell her to get back on the horse but, she's heartbroken and she'll get there. She'll be better because of it.

Also, this story has like approx. 4-7 chapters more to go. Just to let ya know where we are. Thanks for reading babes.

\- Sherri


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